If My Friends Could See Me Now

If My Friends Could See Me Now
music by Cy Coleman
lyric by Dorothy Fields

Tonight at eight you shoulda' seen a chauffeur pull up in a rented limousine!
My neighbors burned, they like to die!
When I tell them who is gettin' in and goin' out, is I!

If they could see me now, that little gang of mine, I'm eating fancy chow and drinking fancy wine.
I'd like those stumble bums to see for a fact,
The kind of top drawer, first rate chums I attract.

All I can say is, "Wow-ee! Look-a where I am. Tonight I landed, pow! Right in a pot of jam.
What a set-up! Holy cow!
They'd never believe it, if my friends could see me now!

If they could see me now, my little dusty group,
Traipsin' 'round this million dollar chicken coop.
I'd hear those thrift shop cats say. "Brother, get her!
Draped on a bedspread made from three kinds of fur."

All I can say is, "Wow! Wait till the riff and raff see just exactly how he signed this autograph."
What a build-up! Holy cow! They'd never believe it,
If my friends could see me now.

If they could see me now, alone with Mister Vee,
Who's waiting on me like he was a maitre d',
I'd hear my buddies saying, "Crazy, what gives? Tonight she's living like the other half lives!"

To think the highest brow, which I must say is he, should pick the lowest brow,
Which there's no doubt is me! What a step up! Holy cow!
They's never believe it, if my friends could see me now!

What a step up! Holy cow! They'd never believe it,
If my friends could see me now.
"Hi, girls, it's me, Charity..."